It’s all about you!

It’s all about you.


Finding yourself single as you enter a new year tends to cause people to reflect and question about if this will ever change; thoughts of when you might meet someone can flood the mind. There is a definite risk that the probing questions can affect your self-esteem; you might begin to form the mind-set that there is something wrong with you that means that you are single while others are happily forming or shaping their relationships. In order to overcome this innate character dissection it is important to realise that you are in control and that there are definite things you can do.

What do you want?

Considering what you want out of a partner and what aesthetic appeals to you is important; it is much easier to recognise a compromise if you know where your foundation is. Also, in the moments of drunken despair, it is easy to accept anything that is on offer and to find yourself in a relationship that is not what you want. What does your ideal partner look like? What sort of career, financial stability, hobbies and interests etc. would they have? Remember that the sort of person you are seeking might want something similar and you need to determine if you would fit that same bill of requirements.

Who are you seeking?

Are they young or old? Are they racially and religiously diverse from you or more similar? Are they likely to go to the places you usually go to or will you have to broaden your interests and habits in order to meet them? You are more likely to meet the creative type you want to date in a gallery, theatre or arts workshop than in a pool hall.

What feedback have you received?

We all seek feedback from interviews to determine how we have performed and how we can improve; we need to approach dating in a similar way. When you have had dates, what do they say about you? Is there a common thread that they will chat to you but this is never converted into a date? Do you manage to get a date or two but nothing comes from this? Reflect on what people have said when deciding not to pursue dates or a relationship with you. You are in charge and can adapt or amend anything if you really want to. At this point I will say that anyone commenting on your actual appearance, beyond something that might be changed via diet or exercise, is probably not worth bothering with.

Who would you like to be?

If you are seeking the gym bunny you may need to make an effort to look like you work out. According to research reported in Personality and Social Psychology (July 2010), we are attracted to people who resemble our parents or ourselves. This suggests that your ideal partner would have greater physical compatibility than you think, therefore making an effort to have the physical attributes that you seek might be advantageous in your search for a partner.

How can you develop to become the person you want/need to be?

If you are seeking a muscle-bound Adonis you might need to up your training regime. If you are seeking someone well read you may need to renew your library membership and begin to read. The adaptability of humans has meant that we have been able to colonise much of the globe, this same adaptability can also be applied to finding a partner.

How will this change you and your current status?

In order to make the changes necessary and gain the relationship you desire, you need to understand what you want from this process. Having a view on the final goal can make the incremental steps far easier to achieve. If you see yourself living with someone in the future then you need to take the steps to secure this, but you have to remember that this is a marathon not a sprint; it may take time both for you to improve yourself to appeal to your target audience or to secure that final goal.

Never lose sight of what you want and recognise that obstacles are merely that, they may offer barriers but you can overcome these with a little work.

Author: Ralph

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